I think in life we all have moments of realization. When we realize that literally nothing else in the world matters. That nothing matters outside of your wildest dreams and that they have literally become your wildest reality. Tonight, I had that moment. Tonight, I sit here pinching myself as I sit on cloud nine watching pigs fly.
I’m currently having that moment of jaw dropping realization. That moment of pure bliss that goes beyond what I have day dreamed about and further than I thought my imagination could even travel. This moment is giving me the chilliest of chills and the highest of highs (no this isn’t the pain pills talking either).
This feeling, these emotions, it’s like what they talk about in the movies. It’s what you see on the big screen. It’s what you hear in those feel good folk songs. It’s what you read in those famous poems. It starts to feel a lot like you’re literally living in your very own fairy tale. I know, I sound a little crazy. Well maybe and probably a lot crazy. Butterflies, chills, highs, fairy tales … Alexa you’re nuts, girl. I promise though this is the realist of feelings.
Tonight, I sat on the couch staring, literally just staring at the manuscript of my book. I printed off all of the final edits of my sections, stapled them together, put on a cover page (Livin’ the dream… today because tomorrow is not promised. Written by, Alexa Glazer) and had hundreds of pages of words I wrote, sitting on my damn lap. Holy shit, Written by, Alexa Glazer. I am a damn author. Of a damn book. That people are going to read. Wow. Reality check friends.
This book, this moment is four years in the making. It’s hitting rock bottom not once, not twice but so many times. It’s allowing complete strangers access to my deepest and darkest secrets, thoughts, and it’s a VIP ticket into my heart. The heart that is so full right now.
I want to mention that this was never my dream. I didn’t lie awake at night thinking about becoming an author and writing a book one day. But, here I am doing just that. I began writing as a coping mechanism. It was a way to have physical proof of my feelings. To have my thoughts leave my jammed packed mind and go into the universe once and for all. I wrote this book as a way to never forget moments I shared with my dad, because that’s the scariest thought to have when someone leaves you. You never want to forget. Forget the smile, the laughs, the conversations. You fear losing memory. I wrote to never forget moments I thought I wasn’t going to make it, but here I am standing tall, chest out, feet planted. I wrote to simply just write.
Tonight, as I sat on the couch staring and holding my book like a baby I began reading section after section to my roommate, Jenna, one of my number one advocates. With tears streaming down my face (and hers), belly laughs (coming from both of us), sarcastic Alexa remarks, followed by more giggles, and I can honestly say I have never been more proud of anything in my entire life and I can’t wait to share this story of mine with the entire world. The entire world.
My realization I am having once again is that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. That me, Alexa Glazer is exactly where she is supposed to be. With exactly the right people around her. That somehow, someway the worst moment of my entire life has selfishly given me some of the best moments. It’s the realization that I NEED to help people, that I love - love, and that nothing is impossible. Literally nothing.
I like to joke that I am a small human with the biggest heart in the world. That if you gave The Grinch my heart he would change. He would love everyone, and everything and be the kindest soul out there. So back to this heart of mine, I believe that my heart is as golden as can be and my biggest goals is that I want to give every person I encounter a piece of it.
Now, I was very excitingly telling a group of youth student this, that I wanted each and every one of them to leave the day with a piece of my heart. One boy raised his hand and so genuinely said “Alexa, I can’t take a piece of your heart?” and I said “Yes of course you can! Why not?” he responded with “If you give everyone a piece of your heart … what are you going to have left for you?” My heart stopped. It was the sweetest thing and it also gave me another one of these realization moments. A moment I hadn’t thought about before. I responded it with … “I can give everyone a piece of my heart because you all have all given me a piece of your heart without even knowing. It’s like an even exchange.”
This is everything. Throughout my entire process of “livin’ the dream” these moments give me life. They keep me going. They are what make my heart beat, my blood pump, and my lungs breathe. I try so unbelievably hard to spread this movement and to literally make it move from human to human, over state lines, across bodies of water, and soaring the entire world, that I forget what it is doing to me. It’s changing me for sure. It’s making me the best human being that I can possibly be.
So, thank you world for sincerely accepting me. Accepting my values and ideals. Accepting my movement and creating waves. Accepting that I am just a human trying to help other humans. Accepting that everyone is entitled to their feelings, that they are valid and that they are real and that not enough people tell others that. Accepting that I am far from perfect but embracing every flaw, embracing my perfectly in perfect life. Accepting that I want to break the rules and color outside the lines. Accepting Alexa for Alexa and accepting you as you.
Here I am, in that moment that I can’t stop grinning from ear to ear. The moment that my heart is beating so fast and that I feel as the person next to me could hear the thumping going on inside my chest. The moment I all of a sudden became very hot and bothered. The moment I began sweating a little, that my palms are sweating and I think you could squeeze out some sweat from the armpits of my shirt.
It’s like the world stopped but I am still going, just in slow motion.
Here’s not to my moment of realization but to yours. Whenever that time comes. Whenever your heart is filled with the amount of love and passion that you feel like it may actually explode … honor it. Remember that life is unfair to everyone and that is what makes life so fair. So, my friend, you are exactly where you need to be. I promise if you are in a low place it will get better and I promise you if you are at a high point it will still get better. Trust your journey.