I went through... scratch that... am still going through the whole post-graduate/not quite, but almost quarter life crisis/the what the hell do I do with my life now phase?
Let's see, I have to say not going to school and not having to study day in and day out has been nice. Not being told where I have to be at an exact time of the day has also been super nice. What's not so nice... that awkward silence/"Uhhhhh..." answer when asked what you are doing with your life now that you have a college degree!
To say the least, I have had my moments of shear panic, the moments of tears streaming down my face, and the I don't care I am "living" moments.
So what I am learning is that what I am doing is A.O.K. I have been taking this period of somewhat crisis and re-evaluating. Re-evaluating myself. My goals, dreams, bucket list, closet space, shoe collection, and essentially de-cluttering my life. I have taken time away from things to see if pure passion would bring me back to them or if they were merely stages in my life that I had to move away from.
With that said I have taken a little break from writing and gaining knowledge by reading. Reading anything and everything I can get my hands on. Self-help books, murder mysteries, perspective stories, autobiographies, motivational books, and pretty much any can't put down/on the edge of your seat books. Reading so much has made me want to write more and have my story and my book finished so one day people can enjoy it the way I enjoy others.
I have taken time to dance by myself, in a dark room, to regain confidence, regain self-esteem, and regain my three-year old tutu wearing love for dance again. With that said, I decided to go to a dance audition in hopes to sign with an agency and I did just that. I signed with Dragon Talent Agency here in Las Vegas in hopes to land some dance jobs that will get me dancing my booty off once again. I have gotten the experience dancing with a great cast and an even better creative director in making his Great Gatsby theme routine come to life.
Adventuring. I think this has become my favorite part of life. I have been trying to see and do as much as I can while I can. Whether that is roadtripping and spending hours in the car screaming out lyrics like I am in a music video or having to hold my pee for over an hour because I am sitting in the window seat next to two sleeping people. I have adventured Zion and hiked close to all the angels in the sky at Angel's Landing. I have made a day trip to California including a hike to the hollywood sign, hours on the beach, eating the best Acai bowls Huntington has to offer, and sitting in the nosebleeds at an Angels game. Had the chance to watch history happen in Cleveland/Believland and attended the parade of the CAVS victory with the other 1.3 million loyal fans who have been anxiously waiting to WITNESS the magic. Spent many hours watching spring training games in Arizona and season games in California and Illinois. Explored downtown Chicago, taking pictures at the bean, playing too many games of rock paper scissors, eating deep dish pizza, and standing on a glass ledge 1300 feet in the air with my favorite person. I started my bucket-list idea of taking a picture in front of every state sign (if only I thought about this when I drove across the country from Ohio to Nevada...) This adventuring has expanded my Livin' the dream... pictures and has given me a chance to expand to a baseball edition so the big man upstairs can watch all the baseball I get to watch.
Work Work Work Work Work (as sang my Rhianna) is the other thing I have been doing, and a lot of it! Only as I stated earlier... I am not using my Business Degree and not exactly sure when I will. So what the heck am I doing? Or trying to do? I worked at a Ramen restaurant, I work at the pool, I am trying to get as many dance gigs as I can, and I have started to work with a non-profit with some fellow UNLV Alum and athletes trying to teach high schoolers how to be awesome and make the right decisions in life.
Is what I am doing right now what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life? Hope not. Is what I am doing right now helping me figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life? I think so.
Am I saying I am never going to panic again that I am going no where in life and I am nothing but a bump on a log? Nope. I'll probably cry about it tomorrow. Until then, I am going to remember that what I am doing is normal. What I am doing is the path that I am supposed to be on and that in time I will know what I want to be when I grow up, or continue to grow up. Hopefully I'll figure that out sooner rather than later, but hey you can't rush greatness.